“How are you doing?”
We ask and respond to this question, what, maybe a couple dozen times a week? Maybe more.
I have never really given the question much thought, it’s just a greeting you throw out.
What I have noticed is that, if I take the time to respond to the question, that people generally are not that interested.
When I start to explain how things are going with my injury or about a new symptom, they turn it into a joke or a personal story.
Is this a natural reaction to an uncomfortable situation, and our way of deflecting?
Is this a way of controlling the conversation?
Have we forgotten how to listen, or is this a case of poor manners?
Why did we ask if we weren’t interested in an answer?
When this happened to me again today, I felt disappointment and hurt, and that prompted me to share these thoughts.
This just felt so personal, but as I sat looking at the words I was writing, I realized they were more personal then I originally realized.
How many times had I asked that very same question? How many times had I taken the time to actually listen to the response?
Most times my response these days is “I’m ok”, “l’m fine”. But, I’m not ok, I have shit going on that I can’t fix. I have shit that others are controlling that I
don’t know if I’ll ever be able to change.
How many others have answered the question to me the same way, and have had their own shit to deal with but found that it was easier to say “l’m fine”, rather then be disappointed in a disinterested response.
This is my disappointment, that I didn’t give you the time you deserved, that you felt I wouldn’t be there to hear you.
When did our lives become so busy that we can’t give someone a few minutes to find out “ How are you doing?”.
Listening, is an art. I don’t think everyone knows, how to really listen to someone. Sometimes I think they are not interested in really listening. They do a surface type of listening ear, Sometimes just in hope they don’t hear more then they care to. One they think they have to some how fix it, or get involved. Or they might not be able to handle it. Or just really not care enough to hear. Another its negative to them in some way. I have yet to find a true friend to really listen. Its sad because I feel we all need that one special person in our lives besides our spouse and kids. I have just met a person, whom I know has a lot going on and been through tough situations and could use an ear too, but until I feel totally at ease sharing with her, I keep to myself. We are cousins on Mom’s side and she recently told me I am also her best friend. It felt so good for her to tell me that. I wanted a close friend, for a very long time. I hope one day we can open to each other, and not feel restricted.She is a super positive person, and that is fine, but not to have a bit of balance can also create problems, and that is by not listening and seeing the good , bad , and the ugly.